In her recent post, Tiffany posed an interesting question about adults having a “committee” to decide whether they like someone. I’d have to say that I think this occurs as a result of repeated failure in dating and relationships. When we start to lose faith in our own decision making we lean on friends and family to be our Simon, Randy and Paula to find out who we should take to Hollywood.
This “committee” is made up of the people who we turn to when things don’t work out. It’s the shoulders that we cry on or the ones we brag to about a new date. When relationships fail we turn to friends and family for support or even advice. These same people are the ones we turn to when a new dating prospect has our attention and we are looking for approval.
Of course, none of this makes much sense. We are adults and are fully capable of making decisions on our own. The problem is that with all of the games and rules, dating has become obfuscated and not nearly as simple as it should be. We get coaching on how to act, how to lure someone in and read books to determine whether someone is “just that into you”. It makes me wonder how small a percentage of genuine people are acting on their own without someone behind the curtain pulling the strings or making the decisions.
Experience tells me that it is sometimes ex-lovers or “wanna be” lovers who are behind the scenes making the decision. How do you compete with that? If a woman is polling a group of men who want her for themselves I simply can’t see them saying, “Oh he’s a keeper”. But the bigger question would be why she would even turn to these people for the “yay” or “nay”.
Let’s face it, for many reasons, cheating sucks. Maybe not as much for the cheater as the one who is being cheated on but it still sucks. Cheating is a violation of trust and intimacy. It can leave the other partner feeling betrayed and, in some cases, inadequate.
I’ve seen websites offering DVD’s that explain how to become a “player” and other sites offering stories and tips on how to pick up women. Isn’t this basically saying, “This is who you have to be to get this type of woman”? If you have to learn skills and techniques and study what to say, it just seems so fake. It certainly doesn’t seem like a way to get someone to like you for who you are.
and some of the answers are quite surprising.
. It’s an entertaining book in a lot of ways and there are definitely some recognizable moments/thought patterns in the mix. But some of what I’m reading has really disturbed me. For instance, Lori Gottleib (the female author) has a whole section on how when women ask whether a pair of 
.
I wasn’t attracted to the guy. We didn’t have much to talk about. I don’t think he was particularly attracted to me. And yet, I had the occasional little vision of a life in his world. I’m not the kind of woman who aspires to get married again or who is inclined to get ahead of herself in relationships. I’m very much about taking things as they come, for what they are in the moment, and not trying to guess or control what they might become one day. I don’t need to give things labels–not even when I’m really interested. But sitting across from this man I wasn’t especially drawn to, feeling no particular spark, I envisioned cooking in his house, dropping by his place of business, working side-by-side with him on some community project. 
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