Brat.
I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with meeting for coffee, and you know it. I’m talking about the significant number of men (maybe women do this, too–I never see their profiles, so I don’t know) who explicitly announce that they want to meet for coffee so as not to waste their time on someone with whom they lack chemistry.
Don’t get me wrong; I’m not complaining. I actually find this phrase to be the most useful thing a person can say in his profile. Right away I know that:
-He considers talking with any woman he doesn’t want to screw a waste of time;
-He’s so shallow that he thinks if he doesn’t want to screw a woman the moment he lays eyes on her, he never will; and
-He’s enough of a neanderthal that he doesn’t even realize he’s just told the women of the world that if they’re not good meat, they’re not worth acknowledging.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that much of what’s good in life comes as a complete surprise, so I try to be open and take things (and people) as they come, but these guys are an exception. The simple announcement that it’s a waste of time to talk to someone if it’s not likely to end in sex is really all I need to know about a person to get far, far away.
I am a woman and I like the coffee idea, because it lacks pressure. 20 minutes and you’re out of there. Sometimes you don’t have sparks with someone and you already have enough friends–if you’re not going to date the person, there’s no reason to stay in touch. Coffee eliminates the possibility that you may end up sitting through dinner with someone who sent a 5-year old photo and complains about an ex the whole time. Check, please!
At the same time, if someone adamantly insists on coffee only in a profile to not waste time, I would steer clear, for all of the reasons mentioned, plus, I would think he’s cheap.
Margo, what you say here–like those men who don’t want to waste their time–reminds me of the old joke about the man who is caught up in a flood and climbs onto the roof, but turns away help from a boat and a plane because he’s confident that God is going to rescue him. After he drowns, he asks God why he didn’t save him and God asks him whether he didn’t see the boat and plane that he sent. Whether you want to attribute it to God or the universe or mere chance, something out there often offers us something different than what we thought we wanted or needed. The idea that we’ll be able to recognize that something in fifteen minutes and move on if it doesn’t fit out mold sounds to me like a huge recipe for overlooking some great opportunities in life.