I did it again, I recognize that its a pattern but I just cant seem to find a way or the willpower to stick to my guns. My biggest weakness is that I’m just not that strong, I remember saying that to you and (at the time) it wasn’t a joke.
I get myself into these situations where I am first dating someone, doing everything right. I take my time, try to get to know them before I get too invested emotionally. But as the red flags start to fly, I find myself crossing out rules, tearing entire pages from the rulebook and finally just throwing the whole book away.
This doesn’t come from desperation or loneliness, it just comes from an overwhelming feeling that there has to be someone out there who is right for me. I caution women about NOT passing up Mr. Right in their quest to find Mr. Perfect so I try to take my own advice and give people a chance.
I had a rule about not dating women who are recently separated and there is a good reason for that. I just don’t think that they are on the same page. I think that they are looking for someone to replace what they recently had. They are in the comparing phase where everything seems to be, “My ex used to do this…” and pointing out how I am similar or different.
Until you have been on your own long enough, you can’t know what it is that you truly want because you don’t know who you truly are. I honestly believe that. I think that when you get into a relationship you make compromises, you have someone making up for your weaknesses and filling your needs and insecurities. So, it’s almost impossible to know who you would be without that person. What your weaknesses and insecurities and needs are. It takes time on your own to figure this out before you try to mold yourself around someone else who is molding themselves around you.
The problem that I have with this theory is that I may have gone to the point of no return. I may have been single too long to mold myself around someone else. I may have found other ways to fix or pacify my weaknesses and insecurities. This makes me think that people who are recently separated should only date people who are in the same boat and the same goes for people who have been single for years.
You may be onto something. I met my husband when we were both just getting out of relationships. It’s been 13 years and we have the best marriage of anyone I know.
You probably had a mutual understanding of what the other person was going through at the onset of your relationship.
I think that starting this way has its advantages.
[...] 6, 2009 by Tiffany That crossing out rules thing Mike mentioned in his last post is exactly what I was talking about earlier this week when I [...]
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