I met this guy who was funny and charming and cute. He made me laugh and smile and I just felt comfortable around him. His thick outer shell and edgy sense of humor made it hard for me to get close to him as quickly as I would have liked so I moved on after a few weeks.
I never bothered to ask why he was funny. Was it because he simply wasn’t serious and didn’t care about anything? Maybe it was because…deep down…he was hurt, damaged by women who he had trusted…loved. Maybe humor was his way of hiding that pain and deflecting the possibility of more pain.
I never bothered to ask if I had made any progress in getting what I wanted…him. I assumed that he wouldn’t give me his heart because he felt I didn’t deserve it. Or maybe he was an insensitive jerk who was incapable of love. It didn’t occur to me that he couldn’t give me his heart because he didn’t have it at the moment…it was broken and still being repaired.
I never bothered to ask if he had given up forever or was simply on vacation. Maybe he was simply cautious. Maybe, if I was more patient, I could have shown him that it is okay to love again…to trust…to be vulnerable. If I had that kind of time, I might have shown him that it was safe to let people in again…to care and allow someone to care about you. I may have shown him that he is safe with me and not all women are out to hurt him. Maybe, if I had that kind of time.
I never bothered to ask if I was going to reinforce his belief that love hurts…That caring for someone is simply not worth the risk. It had already been three weeks and my time was up, if he really wanted to be with me he wouldn’t have been so guarded. Did he really want to be with me? I never bothered to ask.
Read Tiffany’s Response: Feeding the Relationship Delusion
[...] 15, 2009 by Tiffany Oh, please, Mike. It’s true that most women don’t ask the questions you mention, but it isn’t because they’re too quick to write a guy off. It’s because [...]
[...] passing references to time frames that twisted my brain into knots. One was his attempt at getting inside a woman’s head with a recitation of the things she might have wanted to consider before giving up and moving [...]
[...] passing references to time frames that twisted my brain into knots. One was his attempt at getting inside a woman’s head with a recitation of the things she might have wanted to consider before giving up and moving [...]
[...] « She never bothered to ask – a view of what she should be thinking Maybe he is that into you. [...]