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Oh, please, Mike.  It’s true that most women don’t ask the questions you mention, but it isn’t because they’re too quick to write a guy off.  It’s because they’re too quick to make excuses for him.  There’s a reason that He’s Just Not That Into You was the literary version of a shot heard ’round the world: “It’s hopeless” is the absolute last possibility that most women entertain.

We don’t have to ask you whether you’re hesitant because you’ve been hurt before–most of us ASSUME that if a man doesn’t say “I love you” it’s because he’s frightened or had a bad experience in the past or thinks it shows weakness or…almost anything except the almost-absurdly-obviously “maybe he doesn’t love me”.

The failure to ask those questions, in most cases, isn’t because a woman doesn’t entertain those possibilities, but because she’s entirely confident in them.  The poor baby.  He’s really a great guy, but he’s been compelled to act like a jerk or withhold himself or fear commitment or any of a hundred other flaws because of his last girlfriend or his family or because he’s really stressed out at work or he’s having a mid-life crisis or his left knee sort of hurts today.

The truth–and on some level we all know it–is that a guy who wants to call…calls.  A guy who wants to be close opens himself up.  And in those rare cases where a guy really wants to open himself up and just can’t because of all this baggage from some past damage, he needs to do some serious internal work before he tries to get close to you anyway, so he’s not a candidate for a serious relationship.

The last thing we need is one more way for women to explain away the truth and justifying the endless wait for something that is never going to happen.

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