Comments on: The Road to Hell is Paved with Good Intentions

By: Tiffany

Tiffany — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 05:57:25 +0000

Wendy, I have to take issue with the idea that meeting someone in an online dating context is just like meeting someone in real life. I don’t necessarily make a distinction between meeting someone online and meeting someone in the real world–I think that in a context not aimed specifically at dating, it’s very possible to get to know someone naturally online. I met Mike in an online forum and I think the progression of our friendship was very similar to what I’ve experienced in the offline world. But that’s very different from the kind of catalog shopping that goes on in an online dating context. In that context, you can’t “strike up a conversation” based on any kind of natural connection, because you have to select someone from his/her photograph and product description before you start talking at all…and then everything that comes after is driven by the fact that you’re sizing each other up for a possible relationship (or something shorter-term and cruder). It’s not about friendship and it’s not about natural development.

By the same token, I don’t think you can learn anything of real value or that progresses a relationship about someone online. You can find biographical information and you might even find something more personal, but it’s always going to be what a person intentionally put out there, and it could be for any number of reasons. I make my living as a writer and in addition have eight or nine blogs; someone who wanted to research me online could probably find hundreds of thousands of words I’ve written and a fair amount of data about me, but it wouldn’t tell them anything important about me. They wouldn’t know me any better than any other stranger, though they might have that sense sort of in the same way that people often mistakenly believe they know something about celebrities.

The only way to get to know someone is to spend time with him or her.

By: Wendy

Wendy — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 02:05:42 +0000

I beleive an important part of this discussion is when to take that leap of faith? In my opinion the right time is different for everyone. Everyone has walls and rules to guard themselves, we all have tragedies that either make or break us. These are the experiences that make us who we are. When you meet someone whether in the “offline”or “online” world
you strike up a conversation based on interest or connection, then the friendship begins. The trust begins to build, you discover the many folds of each other. So the natural progression of a relationship is acheived by building a friendship. Ultimately wouldn’t you want to be friends with the love you choose.
One problem i see with “online dating” is the computer allows you the opportunity to learn that personal information of your interest which in turns takes away from the natural progression of a relationship. Instead of taking the time to learn and grow with each when the time is right for both, steps get skipped and interpretations are made before their time.
So, when to take that leap of faith, is different for each individual, for their very own reasons, and if your thinking too much about too little, because of “online dating” you’ll miss those moments that give you the answers you seek.

By: One of THE GUYS

One of THE GUYS — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 17:34:47 +0000

I’ve got no argument to this. I agree.

Relationships are all about taking risks. To say that’s harder for guys is not accurate. It’s hard for everyone to take a leap of faith. I’d almost say it’s harder for women because guys don’t always show their true colors. Part of the culture I guess.