There seems to be a very thin line that separates lighthearted flirting from offensive sexual harassment. In the past, I had always assumed that the difference had more to do with who was doing the flirting and not what was actually said. However, a recent comment that I made in a public forum has created a stir that has me going back to the drawing board on my definition of flirting.
It’s at least worth acknowledging that not all men are created equal. There is a certain percentage of bad eggs who will try to spoil the dozen. I’m talking about the men who are simply looking for relations not relationships. These men throw out cheesy pickup lines to every woman they see in an act that is like throwing a fistful of darts and hoping one sticks.
The problem is that this makes some women very quick to dismiss men as being vile creatures with a one track mind. It makes it appear that dating is like finding a needle in a haystack but there are decent men who flirt as a lighthearted and fun way of showing a woman that she is attractive.
For clarification, the comment that I made was posted on a discussion thread that asked, “What are you asking Santa for this year?” My response was meant to be a compliment and I think that it was received as such, at least by the woman it was meant for. My exact words were, “Well…um…You’re pretty cute, I’ll put you on my list.”
Tiffany wrote in her post that I had told this woman that I would like to see her under my Christmas tree. The Euphemism alone would be vile. I have since been accused of objectifying this woman as a piece of property that I want to own so that I can do as I please with her. How this got so misconstrued makes my brain bleed.
This was a fun discussion thread, not a serious and controversial thread discussing a hot button topic like religion, abortion or PC-vs-Mac. So, I didn’t think that this would be taken as a serious request for a fictional character to bring me a woman to own. If you consider that I am a construction worker by trade as well as a humor blogger, my comment actually appears watered down.
I can’t see myself changing anything. Flirting is a way of breaking social tension and adding humor and fun to male and female interactions. If I come off as being offensive and cause certain women to dismiss me without getting to know who I am, that’s probably a good thing. I wouldn’t want to be with her anyway. I would rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not. Because the men who think “Your sexy babie” is a compliment will attract the women who agree and I will attract women who like me for who I am.
[...] Read Mike’s Response: A Few Bad Eggs [...]
Don’t you mean “who like me for who I am at my basest and most simplistic”? After reading your response, I’m even more perplexed than I was before…I’m trying to get my mind around how you think the facts that you make superficial decisions about who you’re interested in based on ‘cuteness’ and are able to come up with quips about it convey something significant about who you are.
If you’re looking for a woman who likes you for your witty innuendo rather than your integrity, intelligence, character, etc., I think you’re going to have a hard time sculpting that into the kind of relationship your other posts indicate that you’re looking for.
Well, that may explain why I am single. However, I don’t necessarily see it as a bad thing to be multi-dimensional. Does it have to be that a woman admires me for my witty innuendo RATHER than…? Or, could it be all inclusive?
“Hey look, a guy who is smart and has integrity and character. Oh crap, hes funny…NEXT!”
No, of course it’s not a bad thing to be multi-dimensional. My point (as I’m quite sure you know) is that you specifically mentioned a woman liking you for “who you are”, and being funny is a small part of who you are and far from the most significant. In fact, I’d hazard an (educated) guess that humor hides at least as much about “who you are” as it reveals.
All I’m saying is that if you’re looking for a woman to like you for who you are, your ability to toss out innuendo might not be your strongest selling point. Depending, of course, on the kind of woman you’re looking for.
So, when are you two going to fuck?