Tiffany, this is one of those areas where the memory of those needy…I mean, “Nice” guys that you have dated is so deeply etched into your brain that you project that behavior on other people and can’t see past it. You look for this pattern until you find it. You’ve accused me of doing this when it is entirely not true.
This is one of those, “Do these jeans make my butt look big” traps that women like to use. She will start off by saying, “I need some space” and within 24 hours I get a text message, email or phone call. If I answer, I am a jerk for not giving her the space she requested. If I don’t answer, I m a jerk for ignoring her because I am mad at her for wanting space.
There’s no way to win this. So, I go with what I think is right and give her space but still “respond” to her. The bigger issue is the problem that people seem to have with being honest. A lot of women say, “I need some time” and then sit back and tell themselves, “If he cares enough he will call”. And THAT is what isn’t fair to the women who really do need some space.
So, I don’t think that it is very fair for you to blame the men who came off as being needy to you. Most likely, they have learned this behavior from women in the past and recognize it for what they think it is. Or, you may be right and they are playing the “nice guy” card to simply get what they want. In that case, it isn’t fair for the men who actually are nice who they are making a bad name for.
Either way, it seems to be a good test for you to weed out men who you feel you are not compatible with. Whether it is fair for women to “Test” someone could be a subject of another debate. Also, the way that I interpret what you have said is that you simply want it all to be on YOUR terms. Isn’t that essentially what you have said, “I enjoy your company but only on MY schedule”?
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