Of course, she just wasn’t that into me. But, the reason for that is what I think is the more interesting part. I wasn’t what she was used to. She wasn’t used to being around someone who didn’t “need” her for something. She didn’t know what to do with that. How do you feel secure in a relationship with someone who doesn’t completely rely on you? It’s not easy. Personally, I can’t think of anything better than having someone simply “Want” to be around me for who I am and not what they need from me. But people want to feel like they are connecting with other people on some level.
Patterns are very difficult to break for many people. I’m guilty of this myself, I fall into bad patterns and simply recognizing that is not enough to get out. It’s not a matter of simply knowing that something isn’t working, you have to know what does work before you can make any changes. I fall into unhealthy relationships because that is all I know. If I met a person who was capable of being in a healthy relationship, I wouldn’t know how to interact with that person and that is not a comfortable situation to be in.
I don’t ft into a normal category because I am well rounded. I’m a fairly manly man, I work construction and have even been known to stitch myself up like Rambo. I also know how to cook, clean and sew. This is often taken as being girlie and being a nice guy is often mistaken as a sign of weakness. Many people aren’t sure what to do with that, they don’t know what “stereotype” I fall into. The bottom line is that I don’t. Stereotypes have a certain degree of usefulness in that they help us to interact with certain types of people.
Addicts will seek out enablers, givers will seek out takers and cheaters will seek out gullible partners. This is the path of the least resistance. The easiest relationships to form are with the people whose personality is the complimentary opposite of yours. It’s like a match made in heaven because it feeds something in you. Something that probably shouldn’t even be there to begin with. You see, birds of a feather do not flock together.
Is it right for an addict to want an enabler? The enabler wants it too, they want someone to take care of, someone to heal. Is it right for a kind and generous person to want someone to take advantage of them? People who take advantage do need a “mark”. So, in response to the question, “Is there a right thing to want?” I would have to say that there certainly is. There is also a “Healthy” thing to want and a “What you should want”.
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