There’s been quite a bit of debate on this blog about the merits of intentional dating versus getting to know people organically. I’m sure you all know where I come down by now, but I’m aware that our strongly held beliefs and our actual experiences don’t actually match up. For instance, I have a couple of friends who are big proponents of online dating and can offer a long list of reasons that online dating services are the best way to meet people…but both of them engage actively in online dating and don’t ever seem to form a good or lasting relationship. In fact, I hear a lot of complaints.
With that in mind, I started thinking specifically about how I’ve met the men in my life–the good ones and the ones I would have been better off without. Of course, I’ve never met a man through a dating service, so I can’t offer up a comparison. But I can tell you where the most significant men in my life have come from, and I think it’s very telling.
I met my husband at a friend’s house. I met my ex-fiance playing league darts. I’ve met other good men (many of whom are still in my life) at work, working on political campaigns, and registering people to vote. As I said, I’ve never met anyone through a dating service, but I have met men at parties and in bars. Hasn’t every woman? And I’ve sometimes agreed when a man asked for my telephone number after a chance meeting in a public place. Not one time in 25+ years has one of those “pick-ups” led to anything beyond a first date…and it’s often a painful first date that really reinforces all of the reasons that I’d rather get to know someone naturally.
Maybe it truly is different for different people. But the people I know who swear by what I think of as catalog dating don’t seem to have much in the way of data to support the idea that it works. So what’s your story? Where have you met the most significant men/women in your life? What’s most successful, not just for meeting people but for finding kindred spirits and forming relationships?
