As I was driving home today, it occurred to me that there must be thousands of other cars that I come across in a day but none of them really stand out. 
There’s traffic in my lane, oncoming traffic and traffic down the side streets that I pay little attention to. There is a car that is ideally suited for anyone. Some of them are safe, reliable, good on gas, roomy, etc. But they just seem to blend in. Of course, there is that occasional car that is bellowing thick, black smoke or the one that plays music at a dangerously loud level. I even saw a car that was on fire once. Literally, on fire as it was driving down the road. These are the few cars that stand out in the crowd, the ones that are obnoxious or simply noxious.
I compare this to the people that we meet in our lives and the ones we choose to date. I hear women complain that they can’t seem to find a good guy. Heck, that’s like finding a good car, they are everywhere. But the good guys are the ones who will get passed up because they blend into the crowd. They get stuck in the “Friend zone”, overlooked and taken for granted because they are safe and reliable.
You don’t really think too much about your car as long a it starts and gets you where you are going. If it catches on fire or leaves you stranded you’ll be thinking about it all day. The same goes for people. When I started my own business, years ago, a friend told me, “Make a customer happy and they might tell three people about you. Make a customer unhappy and they are certain to tell a dozen or more people about you.” I believe this to be true, bad news travels fast and people get more passionate about negative feelings than good ones.
It’s as if something that is dangerous or toxic triggers some instinctual safety mechanism and creates a more powerful memory. So, really, the most memorable people in our lives are the ones who were most toxic. And many of us don’t seem to be able to get beyond this with our logic. There may be some instinct associated with women wanting a “bad boy” because he appears to be the alpha male but I wonder if there is simply more to it than that. I wonder if we are programmed to recognize danger as a powerful emotion and place more emphasis on it as we commit it to memory.
That may have been great, in less civilized times, when we faced real dangers. Now, however, it seems to be having a paradoxical effect on us and actually drawing some people towards danger. It makes us feel excited and alive but is it really what is best for us in the long run?
Photo credit: dantada from morguefile.com
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