Mike made some good points in his recent post about “white lies” on dating sites. In fact, many of them relate closely to the issues I raised in my post about the worst idea in online dating history. I would (for once) agree with him completely if it weren’t for one thing: he’s lying.
No, really. I don’t say that lightly, but when he says that no woman has ever missed out on a date because she was too short or had the wrong color hair or wasn’t busty enough or whatever, he’s obviously forgetting his own description of the way men use dating sites. In short, they scan pictures and only click through to the profiles of women who attract them physically.
In real life, where people meet at work and at the grocery store and while they’re working together on a political fundraiser, what he says is undoubtedly true. I’m sure that it’s a rare man who sits next to a woman for two hours stuffing envelopes and trading banter and thinks, “Wow, I really enjoy her company. She’s witty and intelligent and we believe in the same things and she’s got really nice hair, too…I’d ask her out if she weighed ten pounds less.” Because relationships and attraction are much more about the whole package than they are about one specific characteristic.
But in the online dating world, men don’t sit next to a woman for two hours and get to know her. They don’t, in fact, even read the two or three paragraphs she has posted about herself unless they’ve seen something they liked in her photograph. They don’t, in short, give themselves a chance to see the whole package.
Are women engaging in a bit of bait and switch with their profile pictures and the way they fix themselves up for the first meeting? Some are, sure. Does that work out for them most of the time? I’ve never tried it, but I kind of doubt it. Do I understand why they do it? You bet. They do it because in a world where men are browsing a catalog looking for a potential mate based on whether she can catch his attention in a thumbnail-sized photo, it’s the only way to get him into the store.
And cue the pirate-themed double entendres. I’ll kick it off…”Yarrrgh, she could shiver me timber.”