As I recently mentioned on our Facebook Fan Page, I’ve been reading I Love You, Nice to Meet You: A Guy and a Girl Give the Lowdown on Coupling Up
I knew, though, that there were different schools of thought on the whole “lying to make someone feel better even though it allows them to make a complete fool of themselves in public because, after all, I wouldn’t want to endure a minute of discomfort in order to spare someone else actual pain” thing. 
What I didn’t know was that full-grown adults–not college kids in their early twenties with one foot in their parents’ homes but thirty-something professionals with careers and condos and supposed lives of their own–were still looking to their friends to hold up numerical scores while their dates “performed”.
Honestly, if I’d heard this suggested in some other context, I would have written it off as a freak thing. But here we have two accomplished (a television comedy writer at the Daily Show / Bill Maher level and a journalist with the New York Times and People among her credits), reasonably attractive people in their thirties who are in the dating game, have friends in the dating game, and are paying attention to the way the game is played…and they seem to agree.
Kevin Bleyer: Our appearance is mandatory because our girlfriend wants approval from her friends that she’s made the right choice. So on the day in question, we should be charming. We should be nice. We should avoid stating our case. We should demur from saying anything too provocative. We should ride the line between boring and overbearing.
Good Lord. Is that what men think is going on when I suggest they join me and a few friends for lunch? ‘Cause I thought I was just integrating. I figured that if a guy was a regular part of my life and my friends were a regular part of my life, interaction was going to happen and we might as well just all hang out together. Really. That simple. If I like him enough to date him, I probably don’t want him to alter his personality for my friends. And if my friends don’t like him…well, come on. We’re all adults, right? My friends know me and I trust them, so if one were to call into question something serious (like my emotional state since I’d been with a guy, or reason she had to believe that he seriously couldn’t be trusted), I’d give it serious consideration. But if she thought he was too loud? Didn’t like the way he dressed? Felt his politics were too strident and too conservative? Fair enough. She’s not dating him. Lunch was not meant to be a group interview.
The temptation was strong to write this off with a quick “men are idiots”-style comment, but a woman came right along and ruined it for me. Here’s what Lori Gottleib said in the same chapter:
You’ve spent so much energy getting to a place where you could relax and feel secure in the relationship, but then the real test begins. You’re like a political candidate who works tirelessly to get her party’s nomination, only to realize that she’ll have to campaign for the job. Your boyfriend has nominated you for the position of girlfriend, and now you’ll have to get voted into office. Friends, family, coworkers–you’ll be vetted by all.
I want to wrap up with something witty, snarky or–at a minimum–conclusory, but I just don’t have it in me. All I can say (and think, over and over and over) is “Can this be true? Do adults really convene a committee to help them decide whether or not they like someone?”
Tell me “no”. Please?
[...] In her recent post, Tiffany posed an interesting question about adults having a “committee” to decide whether they like someone. I’d have to say that I think this occurs as a result of repeated failure in dating and relationships. When we start to lose faith in our own decision making we lean on friends and family to be our Simon, Randy and Paula to find out who we should take to Hollywood. [...]