Let’s face it, for many reasons, cheating sucks. Maybe not as much for the cheater as the one who is being cheated on but it still sucks. Cheating is a violation of trust and intimacy. It can leave the other partner feeling betrayed and, in some cases, inadequate.
I’ve heard it said that, “If you suspect your partner of cheating he/she probably is”. But you could also just be paranoid or insecure. Of course, before you make any allegations you need proof. How do you catch a cheating partner and where do you draw the line when it comes to their privacy?
Some people check phone bills and email accounts. Others hire private investigators or install programs to spy in their partners online activity. Are these acceptable measures to take or are they also a violation of trust? How can you be sure that your partner is cheating without doing something that is equally bad?
With nearly half of the couples admitting to cheating on a partner, there has to be some good stories out there. I’m hoping to gather some feedback on this post. I want to hear from people who have cheated or been cheated on. How did you get caught or what did you do to catch a cheater? Do you feel that your measures were justified? Does anyone feel like their privacy was violated by a suspicious partner?
Photo ©iStockphoto.com/TatyanaGl
If you have to spy on someone or check out what they are saying to find out if they’re cheating, you’re already way past broken trust and the cheating is irrelevant. You already know the answer.
Cheaters don’t ever admit to cheating — if they will cheat on you, they will lie about it too. I dated a guy whose mantra was “deny, deny, deny.” One night when he was out with me, an irate, drunk girl was waiting at his car and seemed incensed that he was on a date with me. He said, “She’s a stalker. An old friend. She never got over me.” I believed him.
But then he wouldn’t answer his phone (he wanted to spend all his time focused on me, he said). Something just wasn’t right. So I checked his email. He was dating not one other woman but FIVE other women and buying lingerie in bulk from Victoria’s Secret for all of us. Same color, even. Confronted him. Denial. Said I had proof. More denial. Brought him to the computer to show him his emails. Denial still! It was crazy. So I opened up each email and made him read them to me, out loud.
He said, “That’s it. It’s over between us. I just can’t trust you.”
It’s a strange thing, trust, it can come and go. Apparently he didn’t trust you with the truth (I mean, you were JUST dating). So, he must have meant that he can only trust you if you believe his lies. It’s even funnier when you think that he could only trust someone who trusted someone who was untrustworthy.
It seems to me that positioning “trust” as something that requires one partner in a relationship to fly blind is more a manipulative technique than it is anything to do with actual trust.
Thank you for touching that issue. Cheating is the end stage of the relationship. There is no love without the trust and there is no relation without the love. You can cheat for a reason and it is not so hard to hide but it is always better sitting down and discussing the issues which will bring the happy ending for both sides.
Tony, that is true for the people who cheat for emotional reasons (feelings of neglect or revenge). Of course, there are also those people who cheat for the thrill of cheating and discussion would be pointless.
If you have to spy on someone or check out what they are saying to find out if they’re cheating, you’re already way past broken trust and the cheating is irrelevant. You already know the answer.
Cheaters don’t ever admit to cheating — if they will cheat on you, they will lie about it too. I dated a guy whose mantra was “deny, deny, deny.” One night when he was out with me, an irate, drunk girl was waiting at his car and seemed incensed that he was on a date with me. He said, “She’s a stalker. An old friend. She never got over me.” I believed him.
But then he wouldn’t answer his phone (he wanted to spend all his time focused on me, he said). Something just wasn’t right. So I checked his email. He was dating not one other woman but FIVE other women and buying lingerie in bulk from Victoria’s Secret for all of us. Same color, even. Confronted him. Denial. Said I had proof. More denial. Brought him to the computer to show him his emails. Denial still! It was crazy. So I opened up each email and made him read them to me, out loud.
He said, “That’s it. It’s over between us. I just can’t trust you.”
Tony, that is true for the people who cheat for emotional reasons (feelings of neglect or revenge). Of course, there are also those people who cheat for the thrill of cheating and discussion would be pointless.
Tony, that is true for the people who cheat for emotional reasons (feelings of neglect or revenge). Of course, there are also those people who cheat for the thrill of cheating and discussion would be pointless.
Thank you for touching that issue. Cheating is the end stage of the relationship. There is no love without the trust and there is no relation without the love. You can cheat for a reason and it is not so hard to hide but it is always better sitting down and discussing the issues which will bring the happy ending for both sides.
It seems to me that positioning “trust” as something that requires one partner in a relationship to fly blind is more a manipulative technique than it is anything to do with actual trust.