Recently, I entered into a bit of debate with my sister on my personal blog about the value of romantic delusions. Of course, “delusions” is my construction; she wasn’t actually arguing that delusions were valuable, but that what I termed “delusions” sometimes came true, if only for a moment. Even if girls who lived in that dreamworld often got crushed in the end, she argued, “we still got the chance to spin and catch air before the crash”.
Perhaps to her surprise–perhaps to yours as well–I didn’t disagree with that. In fact, of all of the fanciful and romantic men and women I know, of all those who wait for the “young Springsteen to show up on his motorcycle and spirit me away” as my sister said she was, none has taken as great a chance on love as I once did. I, the pragmatist, the realist, the one who never spent a moment of her life waiting for a man, was the first to throw caution to the wind and hop on the back of his (figurative) motorcycle and put everything else in my life at risk.
And it was good. Rolling the dice didn’t turn me cynical; it wasn’t flying that gave me a taste for keeping my feet on the ground. I was a realist before, during and after. I knew the risk I was taking when I took it and I knew that it wouldn’t last forever when I was in the midst of it. I had a pretty good idea, from the beginning, of what it would ultimately cost.
The difference isn’t, as those hopeful romantics want us to believe, in whether or not one believes in love or even whether or not one can be swept away by passion…the difference is in what we do in the interim. And what we do in the interim is important, for a lot of reasons.
First and most important, sitting by the window waiting for prince charming to show up on our doorsteps doesn’t make it any more likely that he’s going to appear. 
He may show up in a month or a year or five years or never. If we wait five years and he never shows up, that’s five years wasted…but here’s the bigger point that the dreamers tend to miss: if we wait five years and he DOES show up, that’s still five years wasted. Given the choice between sitting and hoping that someone shows up to sweep us off to a better place and making a better place for ourselves, isn’t the answer obvious? Living our lives while we’re on our own isn’t going to hold Prince Charming at bay.
In fact, if all we’re doing is waiting, what are we going to have to offer when he shows up? Do we really believe that the man of our dreams is looking for a woman who sits by the window and hopes he’ll show up and build something better for her?
Being a non-romantic doesn’t mean you’re not open to romance–it means that you don’t sit around waiting for it, fantasizing about it, trying to force it into every chance meeting and lamenting life without it during the down time. It means not getting so far ahead of yourself that you’re experiencing heartbreak over people you never even actually dated. It means, most of all, living life to the fullest with or without a man (or woman) in your life, and welcoming passion–when it comes–as an added bonus and not a missing piece.
Image courtesy of djcodrin via freedigitalphotos.net
“Delusions” is a good way of looking at dating. When you go to an amusement park, you know the rides don’t last forever, you have no expectations. The thrill of the ride and the enjoyment are still real.
Many times with dating, if the “ride” doesn’t last forever it feels like a waste of time. “Delusion” dating may be a good mindset, at least in the beginning.
But why would the “delusion” be a good mindset, if it makes the whole thing feel like a waste when it doesn’t last forever? Why not be realistic from the outset, take the good for what it is and not expect it to be more than it can? Seems to me that would eliminate a lot of unnecessary angst and blame and allow everyone to “enjoy the ride” instead of wasting half of it anticipating that it might end or trying to manage it to death to make sure that it doesn’t or blowing it up into something it can’t live up to (thus ensuring ultimate disappointment).
One of my favorite bits of Hollywood wisdom is in the movie Autumn in New York. Richard Gere and a friend are discussing his relationship with the dying Winonna Ryder. His friend John says; “Buddy, I hate to break it to you, but in the real world… where I live… there’re only two kinds of love stories. Boy loses girl and girl loses boy. That’s all there is. Somebody always gets left behind. You try to avoid that, you’ll end up an old man toastin’ yourself with egg nog in the mirror on Christmas Eve. You’ll end up dying in your own arms.”
“Delusions” is a good way of looking at dating. When you go to an amusement park, you know the rides don’t last forever, you have no expectations. The thrill of the ride and the enjoyment are still real.
Many times with dating, if the “ride” doesn’t last forever it feels like a waste of time. “Delusion” dating may be a good mindset, at least in the beginning.