Mike and I have debated quite a bit about the role of physical attraction in recognizing potential mates. It’s not that I don’t think physical attraction is important, but that I believe it comes from somewhere a bit deeper than what you can observe at a glance. For me, I’ve always said, it’s impossible to know whether or not I’m attracted to someone until I get to know him a bit. I don’t see men on the street and think they’re attractive; I don’t look at a photograph and think I’d like to get to know someone. That all comes later, when I get to know someone.
That’s why I was a bit confused last weekend, when I saw The Back-Up Plan starring Jennifer Lopez and Alex O’Loughlin. I’d never seen O’Loughlin before, and frankly, he was kind of cute. But that wasn’t what troubled me. What troubled me was that at different points in the movie, O’Loughlin reminded me of both Hugh Jackman and Patrick Dempsey–two actors I…errmm…enjoy, but whom I’ve never though resembled one another.
I’m always fascinated when I discover that I’ve been clueless about some aspect of my own psychology, so I investigated further. Careful inspection of photographs of Jackman, Dempsey and O’Loughlin revealed that in addition to thick, dark hair, each had small, crinkly eyes and very small mouths with narrow lips and crooked smiles.
Huh.
About now, you might be thinking (especially if you’re Mike), “Ha! I knew you had purely superficial physical attractions! Everyone does!” And maybe there’s some truth to that. But here’s the part that made me think this whole story was worth telling (and wouldn’t undermine my larger contention that attraction isn’t just about what someone looks like): I’ve never dated a man with either of those features. In roughly thirty years of crushing on boys, dating men, being engaged, being married and everything that came in between (I was not a late bloomer), I’ve never been attracted to a real live man in the flesh and blood world who had little crinkly eyes or pencil-thin lips. I’ve searched my mind back to middle school and come up empty. I’m leaving open the possibility that a college friend is going to drop a comment here with a counter-example, but even if someone comes up with ONE exception, the point is the same: the men I’m actually attracted to and interested in spending time with/dating/marrying/use your imagination don’t fall in line with what apparently initially catches my eye. First impressions are meaningless in terms of ultimate attraction.
It could have been something entirely different like a smile or some characteristic they all shared. I do have a type, generally big lumberjack kind of guys. However if a short skinny guy acted like a lumberjack that would be just as good as far as I am concerned. For me it boils down to confidence. It they have it they are my type.
I agree with you Tiff. You span the gamut on looks in real life EXCEPT for that type. That type kind of looks like Todd.
I think personality does so much for a person’s appearance. I also think movie roles tend to make a lot of actors seem to be the same. I’ve never broken it down that specifically but find that all the men that I have been “in love” with have green eyes. Is that weird?
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Although this film offers almost nothing new, at least they tried to give the characters careers that you don’t see in every other movie, especially for O’Loughlin’s character. I appreciated that. They also added a group of single mothers, the stellar actresses went above and beyond and gave me something to remember the film by.
When it comes to dating females, being sincere and kind to them is which separate you from your rest from the males.