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Does Love really matter?

A while ago I think I was in a relationship with a women. I say, “I think” because I’m not entirely certain. You see, she was a little flippant with regards to being considered “in a relationship” and would mysteriously dump me at random intervals. We seemed to be perfect for each other. We had similar interests, we are both creative and artistic. We both had similar backgrounds and worked in similar fields. Our kids got along and we seemed to integrate well together. We were friends and had a very strong attraction. Even the areas where we were complete opposites seemed to compliment each other, one of us was a slob and the other was a clean freak. It wouldn’t be fair for me to say who was who but I do kinda miss cleaning up after her. I could write a dozen posts spouting all the reasons that we should still be together and why it worked so well. However, she uttered four words that trumped my thousand reasons, “I’m not feeling it”. And where there is no will, there’s no way.

Is “feeling it” important? I’m still not entirely convinced that it is. And, Tiffany claims that I’m the hopeless romantic. But I think that every relationship has high points, low points and should have middle ground. I don’t seem to find the middle ground very often, that time when you are simply two people coexisting in a symbiotic relationship. I find that I’m always either on a pedestal or in the dog house. Which should be a red flag. But it is the drama free middle ground that is the litmus test for whether a relationship will survive. It’s those times, when you aren’t “feeling it” that will determine if you are happy being content in a situation that works. If you’re not, the middle ground will trigger a flight response and you’ll be looking to move on and get your next infatuation fix.

So many people use the word “drama” only in the negative sense. It’s used to describe gossiping, backstabbing, arguing and the common “baby momma drama”. But drama also encompasses infatuation (at least for those of us not experiencing it). Checking your phone every two minutes to see if he’s called is a bit dramatic, don’t you think? It’s important to be able to tell the difference between infatuation and love. Infatuation wears off. What seems odd to me is that infatuation is so common but it’s not a common word. I’m sure many people have said, “I love you” when they were actually just infatuated. Not that, “I’m infatuated with you” would be a great thing to say. But, in some cases, it certainly would be more honest.

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5 Responses to “Does Love really matter?”

  1. “love’ is overrated. Love is no more than a visceral moment – of course that moment can last for months – a Hollywood legend that will disappear when the realities of life make their mark. I prefer the word “caring”, a much more cerebral way of describing what human beings feel for each other, as much more appropriate.
    Yes, getting along with each other has little to do with the initial attraction. I would say that being and becoming alike has much more to do with a workable relationship. Similar lifestyles and values contribute greatly to a successful getting together of two human beings. Read more about relationships in Meyer’s “Marriages, Shack-ups and Other Disasters” or Gottman’s “Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.”
    No, when someone has the courage to actually say to another human being they love them means they have that persons best interest at heart. By saying I love you has nothing to do with taking away someone elses freedom or that they want to own that person. I think that when a person can say they love someone has it has more to do with respect honesty integrity and honor for another person. Love is “underestimated” and most people take love for granted. If more people could be honest about what love is life on earth would be a better place to live.
    (Train – Drops of Jupiter) I love this song…

  2. By the way Mike, the woman that you mentioned is heading for a train wreck – she says “I ain’t feeling it” I got news for you, NO “feeling” lasts forever, so she’s consigning herself to one failed relationship after another. Either that or she was just lying and leading you on, using you as a surrogate until the next best thing came along. I know plenty of women like that, and they are despicable and unequaled in their ability to use a human being and then discard them like trash. C’mon people, grow some integrity and honesty! Life’s solutions aren’t easy, but they are simple!

  3. Lisa says:

    Love or Like,or infatuation for that matter, doesn’t really matter. Did you enjoy the time you had together? Or even if you didn’t, it was one of life’s experiences that will bring you to where you need to be. Trust me: http://lisa-griffiths.com/to-being-liberated/

  4. Mike says:

    David, from what I’ve seen your assessment is right on.

    Lisa, I think it’s easier to just enjoy your time together if you know what it is that your enjoying. The short answer is that I did enjoy my time with her. Having said that, I’ve now learned to enjoy “infatuation” for just what it really is.

  5. Tiffany says:

    David, I agree with most of your reasoning, but definitely not your terminology. “Caring” is far too broad. I can’t think of a living person I don’t “care” about, but I certainly wouldn’t want to set up housekeeping with all of them!