If you ask a woman what she is looking for in a man she will probably say something like, “A man who knows what he wants and isn’t afraid to go after it. A man who is good at communicating his feelings. A man who is affectionate and willing to make me feel special and beautiful”. That all sounds perfectly reasonable doesn’t it? I know that, over the years, I have talked to dozens of women who have said these exact words or something very similar.
And yet, so many women remain single because a man like this (allegedly) doesn’t exist. Are these women simply asking too much? Maybe the single men of the world just aren’t listening to what women say they want?
Then again, maybe they are listening.
Yesterday a woman was telling me a story about taking her grandson out to lunch. She’s a middle aged single mother who was just trying to spend some quality time with a toddler who means the world to her and never expected to get asked out. In her own words, an “attractive” man approached her and told her how beautiful she was and asked for her number. Being in the frame of mind that she was– a grandmother spending time with her grandson– she quickly dismissed his request and went about her business. But that didn’t stop this attractive man from trying to get his message across. He persisted, “You’re very beautiful, I’d like to call you sometime”, he repeated while rubbing her arm. She tells me this story with a very negative tone.
Now, maybe the physical contact was a bit much and made him come off as being pushy. However, let me refer back to my first paragraph in which a man who knows what he wants isn’t a bad thing. Do you see where my confusion is coming from? To me, this story sounds like everything I mentioned in the first paragraph with the added bonus (by her own account) that the man was also attractive.
Maybe it was just bad timing? But, have you ever heard a woman say that she is looking for a man to come along at just the right time? I haven’t.
So, what’s the conculsion that we can draw from this? That a man has to have all of the qualities listed above he just can’t actually act them out? Did this particular man– as well as countless others throughout history– simply go about asking a woman out in the wrong way? Or can we safely assume that there is no wrong way to ask a woman out because there is no right way to ask a woman out?
Well, that man didn’t listen when the lady told him she wasn’t interested in giving him her number, did he? It seems you’re falling victim to exactly what I described in my post: you assume that because some women have told you they want a man to “make her feel special and beautiful”, that’s what we all want…and, more importantly, that we can be made to feel that way by excessive attention from a creepy stranger in a restaurant.
It’s funny that you throw out the word “creepy” when I assume that this man was merely being assertive. To me, “creepy” would be if he followed her home. Then again, I guess that would make Romeo “creepy” for hanging out under Juliette’s balcony.
If Romeo had never known Juliet, spotted her on the street, followed her home and hung out under her balcony trying to touch her after she’d turned him down…yep, that would be creepy.
If I remember the story correctly, he kissed her a second time to retract the kiss that she told him was wrong in the first place. I think that falls within your definition of “creepy”.
Hm…I don’t recall that, but if in fact it happened as you described, it’s not only creepy but criminal in most states.
Act 1, Scene 5 when Juliette claims that Romeo’s kiss has transferred his sin to her.
Romeo and Juliet died. They’re not good role models for anyone.
There’s no wrong or right way for a man to ask a woman out. It’s about preference. Pots and lids. One woman’s creepy is another woman’s hero.
That’s why we’re all so confused.
Margo, that’s what my original post said–that the only way to know what a woman wanted was to stop trying to come up with a general answer and listen to the individual woman in question.
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